Originally published in The Journal of the American Medical Association

By Nicholas O’Teen, MD

One of the emerging 21^st century pandemics alongside H1N1 and HIV is SBSD, more commonly known as Sentient Being Sympathy Disorder.

It has been known to affect outwardly rational people, usually living in the wealthiest nations of the world.

The symptoms include spoken out loud flatulentus cerebellum akin to Tourette’s syndrome. Common examples are “Fluffy is a member of our family”, ”Holy cow, why is there no beef in Big Mac in India?” and “That just proves that they are all uncivilized barbarians in that part of the world.”

Even more common example of SBSD is the artificial labeling of animals between “livestock” and “pets”. Again, this usually happens where polypeptides are plenty and severe energy intake reduction rarely occurs.

Moreover, SBSD often causes arbitrary mental forms and processes such as choosing to call some animals ”he” or “she”, yet others “it”. This is done to feel better about our food choices in the golden age of the industrially mass-produced nutrition.

People suffering from the malady usually don’t know they have it. They have domesticated, even projected emotions on certain animals and are unable to see that in some other conditions and cultures those creatures can be not only a viable, but vital food source.

Many of the claims made under the influence of the disorder towards these cultures are quite incoherent, like blaming some nations “eat pets” – which makes about as much sense as playing petting zoo in a tiger cage, just because one loved Tigger as a kid.

For example, in the early 20th century, eating dogs was common in Germany and some parts of Switzerland, but otherwise Europeans usually frowned upon it. These days such practices are of course unheard of, yet it rarely occurs to people that they might be in minority in their nutritional choices.  In many parts of Africa, canine consumption is not unheard of, simply because there are not enough protein sources running around.

In Islamic culture, eating dogs is forbidden under Muslim dietary laws, but in China, eating dogs is a tradition spanning centuries. It is done not only for culinary, but also for medicinal purposes, since dogs are known to lower your blood pressure and keep you warm.

Indeed, one man’s pet is another’s livestock.

Luckily, SBSD is somewhat easily healed. Open your eyes, broaden your mind, maybe even try traveling to another country, perhaps another continent altogether.

Where Mickey D’s may not be an option.